I'm a feeler. angal?

I have this feeling that nobody reads my blog. So why bother post an entry?!?!

I have this feeling that whenever someone updates his/her blog, updated din si ate.

I have this feeling na inaantok na ko, pero eto YM paren ako.

I have this feeling na yung mga tinuruan ko ng choreo kanina ay nabadtrip sakin. di cguro nila ma-take yung fact na.....basta. mean nila.

I have this feeling na for two days puro kfc na lang kinakain ko. So much fast food is not good for my health.

I have this feeling that I may fail this final trimester. Hopefully, hindi. AJA!

I have this feeling that I should be optimistic like Twinkle and never forget that God is always there. Trust and Faith is all I need.

I have this feeling na someone hates me. The reason is obvious but I can't hardly understand.

I have this feeling of anger, as in RIGHT NOW! I was like watching the tv and my sister-who-doesn't-care-about-anyone's life-na umaabot na sa point na-bastusan na-talaga- turned off the damn television. GET A LIFE!

I have this feeling of  - nostalgia. I miss someone. My Mom. She would not be attending my graduation - due to reasonable reasons. Life - why bother elaborate this one. No one reads this!!!! right.

I have this feeling of accomplishment - at least i was productive. I finished my feature article, taught some choreo, and watched at least 3 movies. Now that's an achievement.

I have this feeling that I should be honest not just to my superfriends but especially to myself. eduds.

I have this feeling and realization that Challenges are Solutions not Barriers.

I have this feeling that my eyes are getting worn out.

I have this feeling that sleep is all I need.

So, i am a feeler. angal?

Byeeeeee...

Once there were 3 trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the 1st tree said, "Someday, I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems and be decorated with intricate carvings. Everyone would see my beauty." The 2nd tree said, "Someday, I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of other world. Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull." Finally, the 3rd tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time, and people will always remember me."

   After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees. One came to the 1st tree and said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter," and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest. At the 2nd tree, one of the other woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree. I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The 2nd tree was happy, because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship. When the woodsmen came upon the 3rd tree, the tree was frightened, because it knew that, if it cuts down, its dream would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree, so I'll take this one," and he cut it down.

   When the 1st tree arrived at the carpenter's, he was made into a feed box for animals, placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The 2nd tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The 3rd tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams. Then one filtered day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth, and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

   Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose, and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace," and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat.

   Finally, someone came and got the third tree. It was carried through the streets, and the crowd mocked the man who was carrying it. Finally, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Jesus had been crucified on it.

   The moral of this story is that, when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

Keep it moving...pass it on, so it could inspire more people. Sometimes the heart sees what the eyes can't.

since walang pasok today.. i can update my blog na! wooohooo!! tagal tagal narin kasi eh. Anyway....where will i start? hala. wala akong maisip. nakaka-drain talaga ng utak. basta ang alam ko....IP Defense. Research Defense. 3rd Tri Exams. haha! ewan ko ba...gusto ng mag "shut down" utak ko. parang pc lang eh no? eh kc naman..i can't think straight the past few days, parang nawawala ako sa focus. na away ko pa tuloy si haneka. rar!! pero ok na kami ult. hehe! pero hinde.............ilang araw na lang!!! matatapos din to. haha! tpos streetfusion na. tapos prom na. tapos sulong na. tapos graduation na. tapos gradball na. finally, SUMMER na!!!! yeboi!!

The other day....Ms. Japay told us to write something for our profile in our annualette *spellcheck!*. tapos we were also told to write for our "Guiding Principle". na-blangko nanaman isip ko. Anu nga ba? ahhaha! ayun....kowtable kowt na lang nilagay ko. hehe! "Dancing with the feet is one thing. But dancing with the heart is another."

ayun...walang magawa ngayon ah. teka..movie marathon nalang muna ako. haha! babu.

The results for the USTET was already released. And I can't wait to look up for the results. Good thing Mark texted me and told me that it was already posted in the internet. waaah! Tensionado i mean.. Tensionada waaah! I had a hard time looking for the site....stupidity kasi. www.ust.edu.ph hello??? yun lang di ko pa nahanap. I was really laughing at myself...stupid talaga. ayun...I saw the site na then i entered my application number and BOOM! ang tagal mag bukas ng window na iyown! waah! Lalo tuloy akong kinabahan. rar! ayun......nakatanggap ako ng isang....

Hello KHARA MAE ZARATE POLO

Please refer to listed details

College	First Choice: COLLEGE OF NURSING
Course	NURSING
	Failed

College	Second Choice: COLLEGE OF REHABILITATION SCIENCES
Course	PHYSICAL THERAPY
Instruction	For interview Report dates From 1/30/2006 to 3/24/2006   Parang ang sarap sabihing HELLO WORLD! haha! ayun....anyway, tomorrow Cath and I will be having our entrance exam at FEU. Kinakabahan talaga ako sa THE INTERVIEW na yan. rar!!!       Divine Providence..........

(a reaction paper)

My Exposure Experience

By: Khara Polo

Our exposure last January 20, 2006 was held at Krus Na Ligas. Under the heat of the sun, we traveled by walking. But despite of that heat, we managed to stick together and walk side by side with each other in going there. Upon arriving to our destination, we met Ate Mae who will guide us along. We were grouped by three's and we all brought some snacks to share to the families we will be with. My group mates were Teptep and Fe, and the family we were with was with Ate Mae's family. She has 10 children, literally. 3 of those are her real children and the rest are children from her sister-in-law. No parent figure stands for them so she took the responsibility. She was happy for her choice because she only thinks for the goodness of the children - "Kahit di ko kadugo yang mga batang iyan ay mahal na mahal ko sila.", quoting Ate Mae. Her son, the eldest among the three, is now in college. The next sibling is her daughter, who is also 16 year old and also a graduating student. And her baby is in 2^{nd year high school. The rest of the children are also studying. She told us that the studies of her children is also her priority - "Maka-graduate lang sila,, masaya na ako. Yun naman ang gusto ng lahat ng magulang diba?" She always reminds her children that studies first before having a boyfriend. We were all laughing when she said that. She calls her son "Freedom" and we asked her why that name. She explained that his son can freely go out and does anything he would like to do but never forgets to come home and obey his parents. That is Freedom. When we visited Ate Mae's home, her husband was not around, she said that her husband was at work. Ate Mae's work is a garbage collector at their place and works for the barangay. She said that though her job is like that, she is happy and thankful that God never leaves her and His guiding spirit stays with her family. She also told us how she met Sr. Edith. She said that when she sweeps in the streets, Sr. Edith would sometimes come and give her anything she has that can help Ate Mae, specifically food. Other students, on the other hand, also come there to conduct researches and never forgets to come back to thank and help them. I realized that love for the poor is still evident up to this time to students like us. We helped Mae Ann, daughter of Ate Mae who is also a 4th year student, do her project in Trigonometry. Their teacher gave them that project and didn't even teach them how to solve those problems. We weren't thinking about how tough the project was but the feeling of happiness to help and share what we have. She was also glad to meet us who share the same passion for learning. Haneka even told her that she will come back to bring her a scientific calculator. The children of Ate Mae all joined together at her home, so all of us also joined together. They also ate the snacks we brought for them. They had a guitar so we had our jamming sessions. We were all happy and laughing all the time. We also told horror stories and share jokes with one another. It's almost time when we decided to come out and play at the park. When we came out, almost all of my classmates were there to play with us. We all had fun, but it is now time to go back. With a smile on our faces, fulfillment in our hearts, and gladness in everyone else, we said our goodbyes.}

My exposure experience turned out not what I have expected. Honestly, as first, I thought that I would not make it. There is this feeling that I may not make through it, that I may not converse to them as it should be because of my shyness that is pulling me back. I really don't know why am I like that. I also had this feeling that they may not enjoy my visit there because I am so introverted. I am a pessimist sometimes, but I am so glad that I overcame everything that I expected at first. I was glad that I stepped over my shyness; I became with and among them for once, and shared everything that I have to them. Whenever I think of them, a few lines from a song I know pops also in my mind. The title of the song is Hand In My Pocket and these are some the lines from that song.

Though they have limited resources, they do not limit their selves from sharing what they have and what they only have to other people. They are kind and happy people who never forget to thank God and other people who became part of their lives. "Hand in my pocket" symbolizes their fidelity to God and what they really are. "High five" stands for the optimism they have and the hope that have in their hearts. I also realized that Jesus' oneness with the poor is evident to the present with the students and people like us, that despite our individual differences, we became one and among each other.

This experience made me a new person, a person who is thankful with what I have, and a person who will be willing to share what everything I have to people I will be among with.

Yeah.. I realized that I need to update my blog na. A series of events (unfortunate nga ba?) happenned and I can't still somewhat "move on". i can't talk about this now.

maybe next time.

I got my #2 and #10 on my wishlist. yeah...i have to face reality.....wishes do come true but not all of them. lalo na number one ko. tsk.

This is a sweet story about the bitteness of life.

See? Those were the places I had been to today. I was with ate. He fetched me here at home, rode a jeepney going to Anonas, took the LRT going to Recto, rode a jeepney again going to 168, walk. walk. walk. buy. walk. buy. walk. rode a jeepney going back to LRT Recto, and went to Gilmore. Canvassed for some PC stuff prices, rode the LRT again going to Cubao. looked for a photoshop to print the pictures that I brought. got humiliated. went to SM and ate lunch at around 3:30pm. walk. walk.. walk. rode another jeepney and went home.

Actually, that wasn't detailed. Here's what really happened.

Ate woke me up by a fone call and told me that I should prepare na. I didn't really expect that so I was surprised, pinayagan siyang lumabas? akalain mo yun? He fetched me at around 10:30am and rode a jeepney going to Anonas. Then we took the LRT going to Recto. We were standing during the first two stations, when we already had our seats, the man beside us was looking at us. Staring actually. Ewan. We just thought that maybe he was also our sister haha! Anyway, we took a jeepney after that LRT trip in going to 168. rar! dami talagang tao! what's new dibah?! hahah! It took us almost 2 hours to walk and buy our gifts. I bought a pair of slippers that my mom will use in China. FENK! Good thing she loved it. Ate also gave his gift for me, flipflops din! yeah! But it is different you know...not the usual pink and black combos which I really like. It is black with a splash of white and red on it. basta. astig. hehe! Then he also bought gifts for Bugs and Cath. After being exposed to pollution, dirt, and people *Welcome to the Philippines!*, we went to Gilmore and canvassed for some PC stuff prices for my pc. woah. Then we went to Cubao. We were looking for a photoshop that may print the pictures I brought for a low price. First stop was at Gateway, I forgot the name of that shop because it was there that I was humiliated. WAAAAH!!!

tahimik ang nasabing photoshop

ang mga tao ay busy sa kanya-kanyang gawain

ako'y pumasok habang sinisinok

nagtanong ng mga presyo

nang biglang.....

"miss magkano po yun *SINOK!!!*

sabay nagtinginan ang mga tao

at lumabas sa nasabing store.

We were both laughing when we went out that photoshop. Then someone called me...

"Khara!"

huh? sino yun?!

"Dito!"

woi! SPIKEY! nyahaha!

"Afir!" :D

Anywhere I go to seems like I always bump into Spikey, bf ni Cj! bestfriend. ayun. Gwapo parin siya.

Anyway, we went to SM nalang then ate our breakfast, lunch and merienda at 3:30pm. woah! all-in-one meal to! hahaha! ayun. saya! :D We then went to Alimall to look for the pants I wanted to buy a month ago. I haven't bought it yet kaya nadagdagan nanaman wishlist ko. rar!

1. For my mom to stay.

2. UltraElectroMagneticJam Album (A tribute album for the Eraserheads)

3. Digital Cam (Still can't think of a brand)

4. iPod Nano (rar!!!)

5. Pink.Black.White. Chucks!

6. New clothes.

7. WorldPis (talaga lang!) seryoso..

8. good grades for the next trimester.

9. happiness and peace in each person's heart

10. maayos na pc ko. haha!

Wishes. yeah right. Anyway, I arrived home at around 5:40pm. Fixed my new wallet (na-excite ako eh!) hehe! and gave my mom the flipflops I bought for her.

Enough.

May isang crush ng bayan na tumatawid sa road...

wait lang!

tumatawid pa ako.

talk to you later, ok?

Im confused. I don't know how to talk about this. But lately I have these feelings that I really can't understand. First, it's about my mom. She will soon be leaving for China, leaving us with our aunt. For two years, she has been living in our home at Novaliches, maybe training us to be independent. "Lumayo na nga siya ng bahay, pati bansa lalayo rin siya." I had always been thinking of that thought the past few days, actually for months. Christmas is just near, but actually I don't want that to be that NEAR. It's like counting the days before my mom leaves. I don't even care about the Christmas countdown, or even the gifts I will be receiving. I just want my mom to be here. She will be leaving on January 2, just 11 days before her birthday. She already bought her baggage that she will be using. She even left it here where I live, "parang pinapamukha pa sakin na aalis na siya." There's this abs-cbn commercial or ad about "leaving" with the setting in an "airport" and with lines "di ka nag-iisa.." rar! Slowly, every sign slapped on my face *of course, not literally* that my mom is really leaving…….for good now sinks in. She even asked me on what occasion will I want her to come back, graduation or my birthday (May18). Of course, I chose my graduation. I can have lots of birthdays in the future (I hope so..hehe!) but I can only have one graduation. Anyway, I don't want to talk about this here, I am getting over-sentimental and a bit desolate. Enough.

Second, it's about this feeling that NOBODY cares and loves me. Parang wala akong kakampi…lalo na dito sa bahay. Its as if no one sees me. Invisible. Ewan. I don't want to be over-sentimental *part2!!!!* here, its just that I can't really take it. Rar!!! I will not spoil anything here about that. Enough. Yoko na.

Someday
Barbie's Cradle

Alone and misunderstood
That's why i came to you
The feelings i have inside
With you, i can't hide


I see that life's a game
Get hurt, but who's to blame
I guess i'm just a child
In a world that's very wild


Refrain
Where can i find a place that's full of tenderness
I get there when i close my eyes and hold and pray
That you and i will be there


Chorus
Someday, i say
We'll make a brighter day better than our yesterday
Someday, i say
We'll make a brighter day but today's our chance to be there
(this is our chance to be there)


Is there a room for change
There are things to rearrange
I thought that we are young
And temptations are strong


But i've got to start with me
It's hard but let it be
It may take some time
Fixing up a perfect life


Refrain
Where can i find a place that's full of tenderness (tell me, tell me)
I get there when i close my eyes and hold and pray (pray)
That you and i will be there


[repeat chorus]


Bridge
Once in a while, you get down and get wild
Set the rain hope so i took some dope
What happened to your start, not a dumb old fun
I had renewed my faith, better not be late
'cause i hate to go back again wasting my life and sin
I got my lord to obey now, so i say now
Take a ride home, go, take a ride home, go
Back to the father


[repeat chorus]


To do the chance to be there
Someday, i say
But today's our chance
We'll make a brighter day and today's our chance to be there

I just can't keep my feelings about these stuff.

How ironic. I am listening to the song "Happy". Ampness.

hmm..where should i start? My last entry was about "Pasko na, Ballet tayo!" right? that was last dec9. ahh! now I know where should I start! labo. panget. nyahaha!

The week after that "dance gig" was a really grueling. The preparations for the field demo, acaemic week, christmas party, fair (booth), and liturgical concert all started na..making me really worn out and almost don't have time for myself anymore. The fact that the liturgical concert participants *including fds* won't be joining the field demo, still brainstorms for the steps that the batch will be presenting. Sometimes, we really hate it when they depend on us and in turn they don't follow and respect us. No offense. But it is really true. enough.

December 14, 2005

Wednesday

We had our parade around some streets in Teacher's Village. I can't remember the streets where we passed because for the whole walk, I was thinking about food, water, and sleep. Yeah..tired. hehe! and before the parade haneka, twinkle and I hassled for the class banner. Nga pala..Graxi, Abi and Maxine were our muses. Ayun, then we then practiced for the field demo, liturgical concert, planned for our booth. *boring day...*

December 15, 2005

Thursday

We had an opening mass for the fair and they formally opened the foundation day celebration. We also decorated our booth, define unproductive. eto un eh. Then, my dance crew, Terpsichorean, prepared for the dance match. This year's theme was retro so my group made a retro remix. I was not able to dance again this year..yeah..I gave way for cath and erica. I would just keep for myself the reason why. -wakas- Unfortunately, we lost. We just got the Darling of the Crowd award. I just told myself.... "at least, gusto pala tayo ng crowd.." Anyway, we also lost during the last band fest. change topic na nga. nyahaha. the blockings for the liturgical concert ended earlier than i expected, so i went home early. Nga pala, our booth didn't functioned well this day because we always had general assemblies.

December 16, 2005

Friday

Yey! Today is a new day! Our booth started early, and we made money in a snap. cath even had her "tips". yeboi! hehe! I was with the "Customer Service" committee. I was in charge of the booth inventory and sales. *tama ba?* With me were Jean and Gene *haha!! ang funny tlga nito, so confusing..* they were our money holders and in charge of the payments. We were not that organized but it was really a nice feeling that I was able to do something for our booth. Teka, I am talking about our booth but I wasn't able to indicate what was our booth all about. Our booth aids washable henna and face paint services. nyahahaha! and dami palang artists samin. akalain mo un. lumabas ang mga talento sa pag pinta at pag drawing eh. hehee! Ayun, ate came and helped twinkle make her mask for our field demo tomorrow. I also saw Alford! he even had a butterfly face paint painted on his face. Cuteness! hahaha! We also don't have practices for the liturgical practices for this day, so I was able to go home early. Anyway, *define productive.."

December 17, 2005

Saturday

Field demo na, and some of my batchmates haven't made their head dresses, some were absent. tsk. indyanan. tama yan. Anyway, before our batch performed, Darlene called me and asked me if i have the tape *ang tape...ang buhay..* ika nga! hahah! OUr batch is ready to perform but Mang Tony played the wrong tape a few times. so, i panicked. I ran and looked for it...delaying the presentation. tsk. KungMalasinKaNgaNamanNess. nyahahhah! Good thing darlene saw it, it was under mang tony's chair. funny. woot! haha! Ayun, we won 3 awards. I forgot what were those but one of them was the Best in Performance...i think. hehe! Ayun, Mark also came..feeling ko nga napilitan lang eh, because he has to go to sm for his xmas gift shopping spree. nyahaha! We had our UBE *UltimateBondingExperience* and kwentuhan to tha max at the canteen. wooo! saya! napag usapan ang kung anu-ano. nagka-asaran. ayoz. ayikee? nah. Some even asked "kayo?". nooo. haha! kuya cj was also there.. "at ito naman pala ang aking malupet na comhead.." nyahahahaha!! A lot of almuni came.....Mj was also there! wooo! saya talaga! hahaha! Our booth was going strong parin and still making money.

Liturgical Concert 2k5

We prepared late na...i mean, i prepared late. nyahaha! nawili sa kwentuhan with anids, he will not be watching the L.C kc nga mag sshopping pa siya. Ate wasn't also able to watch the concert, because of some unpredictable matters. nyerks. Anyway, the show went well and fast, i mean really fast. di ko man lang namalayan, tapos na. Last na to! hehe! so we made most out of it, syempre...we did our best. I came home at around 9pm na...commute. yari. ang creepy kaya ng kaharap at katabi ko, magkakasama sila eh. lasing. yari part two. tsk. buti na lang maaga sila bumaba. traffic pa sa pasiklab, ampness. Anyway, bagsak pag uwi. zzz...

December 18, 2005

Sunday

 Today I was late. Yari part3. nyahha! the mass will be starting at around 8am and 7:30 na, di pa ko handa. We will be dancing "Our Father" again for the mass. We were 9 in pur group but only 5 of us danced. I don't know why the others didn't show up and i don't want to know why. Anyway, we also had ouor christmas party and exchange gifts. wooo! ayoz. haha! I came home early and had a general cleaning in my room. sa wakas, nalinis at naayos na. nyerk. Ayun, fair had passed and i didn't even felt it. Fair pala? Akalain mo yun? haha!

-wakas-

watchuthink? nyerks!

wooh! We made it. Ate Mchl's ballet student's recital was successfull. I am not at home so I will make this entry short yet detailed parin. hehe! We had our calltime at around 12noon at hfs. I came 2nd after denden, then erica cha and ging arrived. Ms. de Castro was also coming with us. We will be meeting cath at sm north. We rode on a van and traveled for about an hour. When we arrived there, we first had our lunch then our blockings. Actually, nangangapa pa ako sa steps!! waaaaah!! but Terpsichore guided me. nyahaha. la lang. Then, we fixed our selves na, put our make up on and changed into our costumes. We danced Inang Mahal for the invocation. We then guided the little kids backstage. Super kulit talaga nila! There was this kid na maypagka-manyak. Pasalamat siya bata siya. nyahaha! la lang. JOKE! :D ayun, there were also guest performers. graabe!! ELIBS tlga!!! ang gagaling nila.. woooo!!! :D

Anyway, backstage...the parents of the "recitalists" (sorry, i don't know what they call them) were taking pictures of their daughters............with US! waah! for the first time..we felt like astistas. hehe! woohoo! :D i even thought that they were just making us backgrounds because our costume is a white skirt and a blue leotard. tama ba? nyahaha! parang ang awkward i-type eh. hehe! Then, during the curtain call, they gave us flowers. ka-touch dude. first time eh. hehe! :D then we ate at Max's Restaurant and chatted and laughed and inhaled and inhaled and inhaled and inhaled....nyahaha!!! ate mchl also gave us a black razorback with the logo of M.O. Ballet School. astig tlga! woooh! hehe! :D We arrived at around 8:30pm at pame.

Waaah!!!

may hang-over pa.... ÜÜ